C.O.D this Bitch!

hahaha

OOPS

Haha. I was just talking to my cousin on MSN and he told me that my dad found out that my little brother Kurtis got drunk this Thanksgiving. That he was doing vodka shots and chugging beer...lol. I wonder if he knew about him wearing the cowboy hat. Hahahahah. I'm scared to talk to my dad now. But I guess he was just mad at the cousin who supplied him with the alcohol. EEk. The sad thing is that I think Kurtis told my dad what happened. What a rookie. I'm never going to let him drink again. blaaast. Stupid brothers.

Fucking Patricide

I hate my parents. Both of them, I'm dead serious. Right now I am experiencing an extreme distaste for the entire idea of them. Like, okay - I thought my dad was somewhat normal before, and wasn't a raging lunatic with crazy ideas that come out of nowhere - I mean, I knew my mom was a pretty screwed up individual, but I COULD DEAL WITH THAT (just barely), and now it's my dad too. I mean, it's always been there, below the surface, but yeah, he picks a nice fucking Thanksgiving weekend to bring up absolutely everything that's been eating at him for the past seven years - directs all of his anger right at me and then turns it around on me when I get upset. Such an asshole. I hate it when people make me out to be the bad guy, but he wasn't the one who left the room, crying. He's a fucking dick. And I don't care if he had been drinking, whatever, that's the same old fucked up excuse that everyone in my goddamn family uses. He/she's been drinking, they really didn't mean what they said/did. Yeah fucking right. When I'm drinking, I'm more honest and I'm willing to bet absolutely everything I own that he was being all the more truthful. Blah blah blah, he doesn't trust me, apparently I'm ungrateful and I'm just like my mother. Which means, according to him, I'm a 'bitch' X3 , and a huge 'waste of space'. Which is what he said last night about her, which pissed me off to no end. And then today, dropping me off back at Lister he kind of halfway apologized for last night, no specifics or anything, then had the nerve to ask me if I was sorry. Ha, yeah right. It sure pissed him off when I said that no, I'm not sorry, because I didn't do anything. He was the one being a drunk asshole. Like, who does that shit?? Everyone else possesses a set of somewhat normal parents, what the hell is wrong with me?? Whatever, I don't really care anymore. He thinks that I'm ungrateful because he gave me sooo much apparently, with school and everything -yeah right. I didn't need him when he left when I was 13, and I most definitely don't need his fucking money or help now. I'll tell you what he gave me - a messed up attitude and an intense distrust of anything my parents tell me, and five years of bullshit hell living with my mom and dealing with what he did to her/us and her enormous multitude of problems. Yeah, THANKS daddy. Love you too.

<-----he sure looks happy, doesn't he?

yeah! One midterm down, four to go! It's so exciting. Plus, I've had absolutely no sleep at all - I don't really feel tired but it will hit me. Especially since I still have my biology lab - and a report to write up. Then there's dodgeball. I'm going to die. Why oh why am I so dumb?? I do this to myself every single time. Plus the fire drill didn't help things. I would have gotten an extra half hour of sleep but noooo....they had to do it on the monday morning. Oh well, at least it's over with now. Yeah..my head hurts - a lot. Same with my eyes. If you see me socializing at all tonight - do me a favor and kick me, ok? Dodgeball is my only break allowed and that IS ALL. Dammit, stupid biology. I'm scared for next semester, like actually really afraid. For my sanity. Why?? I hate school. And now I am kind of feeling homesick. Ugh, I hate university. But really I love it - Lister just sucks majorly though. Too many distractions. I need to get my act together. Thank you Dani for getting me tea this morning and breakfast in case I needed it! You're a sweetheart. And thanks for the note Kim and luck - I think I did okay on the midterm. I'd like to say I 'raped' it, but we'll see...haha. I guess I'll know soon enough. I know I made one mistake already, stupidly enough, but whatever. One mark. ANyways - I have to go finish my biology lab report - ugh, I do NOT want to be in a lab this afternoon. It's just taking away from other homework time. Good God, shoot me now. Hmm, I'm complaining a lot. Pay no attention, I'm just sick of school! Love you all!

Finally, some closure. For some reason, tonight the words were just flowing freely. I hate being able to put what I want to say into writing - I wish I could actually talk to the person. It sucks. Oh well, it's done and over with. I don't feel happy but I feel really alleviated and like I have some real closure. It's the greatest thing in the world. I hate hurting people though - but if I'm hurting myself in the process of trying to spare their feelings - well...survival of the fittest I suppose. That's how I look at it anyways. I can't make somebody else happy and be miserable in the end. Life just doesn't work that way and it sucks sometimes...but YAY!
*big sigh of relief*