drunk as a skunk

weee drunk!

ok. Leanne needs to go to sleep now. But I just wanted to write here that tonight was a lot of fun, despite the long, freezing trek home. The journey was rough girls, but we made it. And Vaegerville, however the hell you spell it, was a grreat time. Better than the other mystery lake places. The smoke machine did it all!

Anyways. I fulfilled my goal of getting drunk to forget about the past few weeks and it worked. Thanks girls! It was a great night and I had a lot of fun; yay dancing on stages!

Shutting my mind off is a lot harder than I thought it would be – it just wanders off to places I don’t want to go. I hate it. So much. I’m wandering around this place, muttering to myself about how stupid I am. Repeating to myself “you’re not going to think about it” really doesn’t do a whole lot for my sanity. God help me. So if I’m acting a little weird or dazed, think nothing of it. It’s just me sorting out my thoughts. How can something so little have such a huge effect on me? Everything is completely shot now. And it’s complete bullshit. Fuck. And I just cut my finger, ouch.

I’m going to go bury myself in the snow now.

who knew?

It’s very quiet and gray in the house today. I like it. The stillness and calm is exactly what I need.

Now that this week is over, I finally have some time to sit down and breathe. It has really been a whirlwind of life. I know we all have some times during the year where it feels like everything is happening at once and just attacking you – well, that was certainly this week, and I’m glad for it to be over. This weekend couldn’t have come at a better time; maybe they planned it that way. Just thinking back to those three nights where I got next to no sleep, at the time I honestly felt like it was kind of hopeless. Useless too. It was so not worth it. I never want to pull all-nighters ever again, although I doubt that will come true! Oh well, at least it’s all over now. Thank God for the weekend.

I went to my cousin’s house yesterday afternoon – it’s nice to get out and go somewhere else. We went to the Starbucks in Safeway, and then shopped for dinner groceries. I love not having to cook for myself. Then I don’t have to worry about the mess. We watched the Flames game and drank some beer; I love beer, it’s great. And I borrowed a romance novel, so I can escape from my life that is completely void of a really good-looking, perfect man with rippling muscles. And no, I do not want to get with Fabio. He is greasy and kind of large. Hahaha.

So I am pleased to note that apparently Jason and I are ‘friends’ again. Oh yes, we most certainly are getting along very well, I might add. We played a game of drunken Scrabble, which I totally schooled him in. That boy simply cannot spell – but I’ll admit, neither can I when I’m drinking. We played a racing video game on his Xbox, and then watched hockey highlights. Pretty much as exciting as two siblings or friends hanging out is going to get. Can men and women ever be ‘just friends’?? Now I’m not so sure. I want to pull my hair out; I’m so stupid, fuck fuck fuck. Crazy; I’m sure anybody could have told me that the past repeats itself. I can’t wait until he moves out, into his new condo. Because it’s official: I am an Idiot. See, it even has a capital ‘I’.

So my Friday night turned into an eventful night, at least for part of it. Today – well, I’m waiting for my dad to come and pick me up. I need to keep busy or else I know I’ll go crazy or freak out. If I keep myself distracted, it’s all good. And I intend to keep it that way. Doing laundry, cleaning, studying, reading, perhaps swimming with my brother – yes, I have a lot of stuff to do.

Nobody ever said November was dull!