in the a.m.

Good morning! Yes, it is past 4am and I’m wide awake. Signing up for the overnight shelving shift seemed like a good idea at the time…I mean, it was fun – actually, it was a lot of fun. Being able to crank the music up really loud and getting pizza and working with funny people is always a good time. I love the people I work with – not that we’re all nerds or anything, but there is definitely a lot of weirdness. And the $50 gift card is nice; now I can buy all the science books I’ve been meaning to get. Yay. Not that I ever seem to be able to finish a book lately, sometimes I swear I have ADD. Tonight it was like ADHD though – I think I freaked out a lot of them, but they were acting funny too. At one point I broke out into the coconut songs and it was like a call-and-response throughout the store; it was fantastic. And I quoted Anchorman all night long. And read random passages from books in British accents, which was quite amusing. At least I got a ride home.

This is going to come off as sounding totally superficial, but I don’t care because it’s true. Lately there have been a number of guys wanting my #, etc etc, wanting to hang out and all that fun stuff – but it’s annoying, super annoying. I don’t know how to say no without coming off as bitchy, but then I just end up looking like a bitch when I end up ignoring them. Like tonight for example. I was chatting with this guy, who was fairly good-looking, I don’t know, he works in Fort Mac for 3 weeks on/ 1 week off, and now he wants to hang out tomorrow night. I don’t know, but right now I’m thinking that I have no intention of ever seeing him again, which sucks, because they ALL KNOW WHERE I WORK. I hate males. I don’t care. I just want to live my life as I want to, without having to worry about stuff like that. Stupid fuckers. Anyways, that’s my rant. I think I’m just really scared of meeting someone that I really like, then losing my independence. I mean, I liked Damian and look where that got me; he turned out to be a raging douchebag of an asshole who has absolutely no balls to speak of. What the fuck. Who does that? Honestly. And so whatever, I didn’t give up all of my spare time to spend with him but I really made an effort, which was pretty good for me! So now I just really don’t care a whole lot, because it usually ends up being shitty. What’s the point in me trying if it’s all going to end the same way? Either the guy won’t like me that much or I just never liked him a whole lot to begin with and just hung out with him because I was bored/felt like I had to. When I told my dad that Damian and myself were no longer seeing each other, he just laughed and told me that I go through men like underwear. Nice words coming from your dad and he doesn’t even know the half of it! Then we had a super awkward conversation and he offered his insight a.k.a. the ‘guy’s p.o.v.’ Fantastic.

Oh and the birds just started singing. That’s crazy how they all just started at once! It’s 4:22 now. I should probably try and go to sleep. Today was a pretty good day, even though I didn’t accomplish a whole lot. I passed English with a ‘C’, which is good considering I missed the midterm. Leanne gets to continue on searching for a career and means to support herself in the long-run. La la la, I get to learn more science…I’m excited. I went for a really long run today too – well, like 70 minutes, which was better than the last one. It just makes me happy, running, especially since I used to do it more a long time ago, and I just feel generally better about life. I’m pretty happy when I’m running actually. And it’s so gorgeous along the river, even if you can’t see it all the time. I like being in the forest. I was thinking about the smells and the grass and how it’s so different from B.C., the trees and trails and water (I know, there’s a whole ocean out there), and how I miss it so much, but I know I would miss Alberta too. I guess I’ve spent the majority of my life out here, with a slightly less number of years in B.C. Oh well! There are just some things that a person will always have in them, no matter how long ago it was.

I’m yawning now. I guess that means it’s bedtime.